Social Anxiety Series Post #5: Collab with I Am Billie

 Today's post is the last post of my social anxiety series, and I'm very excited to say that it is my first collaboration with a fellow blogger! I Am Billie is a nineteen year old British blogger who loves to cook, and also suffers from social anxiety. She has written a post for Yes Cassie Will on lifestlye changes you can make to help with your social anxiety.  Enjoy!

Anxiety affects everybody at some points in their life but there are a select awkward group of us who suffer with anxiety more constant than others. We are left doomed to panic and look shy in most occasions. However all is not lost! There are special diets out there which help the body and mind feel healthier and more relaxed. We can find exercises that help or just change what we carry around in our handbags…

Let’s start with diet first;

Foods to eat                                       Foods to avoid                                 

Bananas                                              Fizzy Drinks
Vegetables                                          Processed Foods
Wholegrain Foods                               White Bread
Brown Rice                                          Chips
Beans                                                  Pastry
Turkey                                                 Cakes
Chicken                                               Caffeine
Cottage Cheese                                   Sugar
Eggs                                                     Alcohol
Fish                                                      Chocolate
Fruit                                                     Cheese
Porridge                                              Fast Food
Potatoes
Peanut Butter
Garlic
Leafy Greens

I know! Cake and chocolate don’t help! It’s the worst!

Anxiety is all about relaxing your mind and self-confidence. Exercise and self-confidence go together hand in hand, because doing sporty things can make you feel better about your appearance therefor yourself! 

Yoga is a super relaxing exercise that makes you feel healthier and you can find yoga classes everywhere, I use YouTube.  Try out the Sun Salutation. 

Then there is jogging, which works your entire body also gives you a chance to think, or have a mental rave to all of your favourite jogging tunes!

Finally when you go out you can fill your bag with items that I call safety items, they can help you feel calm even when you’re not. I recommend always carrying; a bottle of water, chewing gum and a hair bobble (so you can play with your hair, to keep your hands occupied). Whatever makes you feel comfortable are the things you will need.

Thank you so much Billie for doing this collab with me! Billie can be found at
iambillie.wordpress.com. Go check her out and follow!

Social Anxiety Series Post #4: How to Stop Yourself from Stopping Yourself

If you are like me, then there are places and situations in which you do feel comfortable, because you use something or someone to either make you feel more at ease, or avoid having to be social with people you don’t know well.  Maybe you ensure that you feel comfortable by having some sort of crutch that you lean on, or some sort of escape route planned at all times.  Maybe there is something that you hide behind in those social situations that gives you an excuse not to socialize and connect with people.  You could be hindering your own social development and not even realizing it.

For a lot of people, I think that their “crutch” is a person that they go bring with them to places where there is room for socialization.  This person makes it so you don’t feel awkward and alone, and because you have someone with you, people are less inclined to reach out to you specifically and you have less chances of talking to people.  You can just let the person you’re with do all the talking.  For me, in high school this was my best friend.  We both were a bit shy, so we would just stick together and not talk to anyone else.  After college when I was socially anxious, I would make sure that I was always with Mike, my now fiancé, and I could hide behind him or escape away with him if I was uncomfortable.  This worked a lot because he never likes to see me super anxious or panicky, so he would always save me from feeling like that, and take me away from whatever I was anxious about.  This was a good thing, but a bad thing at the same time.  I probably would have done the same thing if I was him.  In a lot of ways, caring about a person with social anxiety is harder than being the person with social anxiety.  It’s a very complicated and difficult role.

Photo credit: zazzle.com

I think that if you are a person who has someone else to hide with/behind, you can choose to use that as a tool to challenge yourself to improve on your social interactions.  You have to admit your vulnerability and tell that person that you really want to start putting yourself out there more, talking to other people more or whatever it is that you want to be more comfortable with.  A lot of people don’t like to ask for help, but it’s so much easier to push yourself if you have support.  So, the next time you are in a situation where you could be social, maybe that person goes to the bathroom, or has to make a phone call, and you’re alone for a minute or two with a chance to interact with someone else.  Use the fact that you know your crutch is coming back, so you can do this for a minute or two, to help you.  Ask people to support you, and you’ll find that you begin to support yourself more as well.

If you’re not the type of person that has a sort of ‘emotional/social crutch person’ that they rely on, maybe you do something else to avoid socially anxious situations.  Maybe you are constantly attached to your phone and you don’t put it down in social situations so you don’t have to talk to someone in the real world (I know I’ve done this).  Next time, challenge yourself to put your phone in your pocket for just five minutes, and say one casual thing to one person.  Next time, ten minutes, and two people, and so on.  Make your goals small and obtainable. If you force yourself to do this, it’ll get a little easier every time.

Thanks so much for reading and let me know if you think this post was helpful!

Social Anxiety Series Post #3: Controlling Your Social Anxiety

Some people are plauged with such anxiety when it comes to social situations that they have trouble functioning normally.  Have you ever felt that?  Even if it's not about being around other people, if there's something that's causing you anxiety, by definition, it's something that you can't help but think and worry about.  If you're trying to actually do something else while you are doing all this thinking and

worrying, it can be overwhelming and debilitating.
 

That being said, there are a couple things that you can try to actively do when you are in a situation that makes you anxious.
 

Make it easier on your brain.  You can't think about two separate things at the exact same time.  Take advantage of that.  If there is something that you are concentrating hard on, you're not going to be able to worry about what everyone else is thinking about you or whether you are talking too much (or not enough), or whatever your particular anxieties are.  My social anxiety is the worst in medium-sized groups of people. That means that if I am only with a few people, I'm fine, and if I'm in a big crowd I'm fine, but with ten or fifteen people, I have a lot of trouble interacting normally.  So, what I try to focus on in these situations are smaller things.  Something about what one person just said.  Something that it reminds you of.  Pick out the details of what is going on around you, and you'll forget to be anxious.

Give yourself a break.  If you are struggling a lot in a certain situation, and the anxiety is just piling up and getting worse and worse...you're allowed an off-day.  Give yourself a metaphorical hug and tell yourself that you'll be more comfortable next time.  Sometimes you'll find that just taking the pressure off yourself to be perfect will make you act more natural and "breezy". Breezy is a word that my high school guidance counselor used to tell me to be all the time.  I talked to her about a lot of the stuff that I was going through with my anxiety, and in stressful situations I would hear her voice telling me to "be breezy".  Being breezy just meant don't take the situation too seriously and don't be afraid to look silly. Shake it off.  Let the breeze take it, if you will.

Don't compare yourself to others.  Some people are better in larger social situations, and some are better one-on-one or in very small groups.  Some people are good in both!  You don't have to be good in every situation and make friends everywhere you go.  Just because your best friend is a social butterfly, it doesn't mean that you have to be.  

Think about looking stupid and having your peers think you're a big weirdo.  All the time.  Think about whatever it is that you're afraid of happening.  Think about it so much that you get used to it.  Think about it so much that it doesn't scare you anymore.  Accept it.  Then you can feel twice as good during the times when you don't feel like that, and not so bad in the times that you do.

Thanks for reading and let me know if this was helpful for you. 

Social Anxiety Series Post #2: Why do so many people have it nowadays?

While the internet can be a wonderful place for people to come together, I feel like it is also pulling people apart from interacting in person.

Because there is so much communication online these days, I feel like people (especially young people) are not having to actually talk to each other. 

Before I had my last job, I would SO much rather e-mail someone than have to get on the phone and actually talk to them, even if it is so much quicker that way.  I always made the excuse that my poor hearing made talking on the phone difficult, but now I feel like that was a cop-out.  I try not to play the ‘poor hearing card’ anymore.

When kids have to go to events at school or anywhere else that they have to be and interact with people face-to-face, it can be really intimidating, because they don’t do it on a daily basis.  I feel like kids talk to so many more people online than they would in person, and why is that?  Because in person they can see your face?  I just don’t want young people to have to go through all this anxiety when they shouldn’t have to think twice about face-to-face social situations.

For example, during the summer before I went to college, the school sent out letters telling you who your roommate was going to be so you could talk about what you were going to bring for the dorm.  Someone started a Facebook group for my dorm, and everyone talked about what room they were in and who their roommates were.  Everyone seemed so insanely friendly!  However, when I got there and we were doing orientation stuff, I noticed a few names from the chat, and they were nothing like they were online. 

It’s like some people have an online personality and an in-person personality.  It’s nice that shy kids can be more confident and outgoing through the internet, but it gives them an excuse to not have to work on their face-to-face social skills.

If I ever have kids, I really want them to be themselves whether online or in person and develop good social skills (that they actually use!).

Now I’m not saying that technology and the connections we make on the internet is a bad thing.  I’m just saying that there should be a better balance between socializing online and socializing in person.  I’m also not saying that I’m a perfect social butterfly who is not affected by today’s internet culture.  I’m extremely socially awkward (less so when I get a few drinks in me, hehe) and I am often insecure about being in social situations, especially when I don’t have friends or family with me.  

How much of your socializing do you do online?

When’s the last time you struck up a conversation with a stranger in person? Online?  Online is easier, right?

If you were to say ‘I talked to so-and-so’…would it more likely mean an actual conversation, or something via the internet like a text or e-mail?